Quote of the Week - April 24th to April 30th, 2016

A weekly feature highlighting the best quotes on TV as picked by the Spoiler TV team. We'd love to hear your picks too so please sound off in the comments below.

Archer - 

1. Lana: “Is that really necessary?” 

Archer: “Lana, this is Hollywood. None of this is remotely necessary.”

12 Monkeys - 
1. Cassie:  "Where are you right now? Somewhere you don't belong? Wondering, 'Who have I become?' Living a life you never thought you'd have to. Doing things, horrible things, you never thought you'd be capable of. No matter how hard you fought, you'd have to live with it. You'd adapt, transform Evolve. Metamorphosis. And sometimes you have to accept not every caterpillar becomes a butterfly."
2. Daughter: "James Cole understands something you all have forgotten; our fates are intertwined. Here and in the past. Our mother knows this. Many cycles ago James Cole made a choice. An act of mercy. For that a debt was issued and now that debt has been repaid."
3. Cole: "I was sent back in time to kill a man. It was supposed to fix everything, it didn't. So I killed more people, nothing changed. And then I save someone. Someone who should have died and that is what changed things. It's the only thing that's ever made any difference."

Bates Motel - 

1. Dylan: “Norma?” Norma: “Dylan! Come in. I’m making curtains.” Dylan: “Someone down stairs is making jam.” Norma: “I’m making that too.”
2. Dylan: “I need to tell you something. Norma: “oh, my God. Did Emma die?” Dylan: “What? No. Jesus, Norma.   No, I just told you we’d go to the Christmas tree thing. Norma: “oh, right.”
3. Norman: “Someone like me?” Julian: “Yeah, look, I know you think you’re different, playing all calm and nice, but you don’t wind up in a place like just ‘cause you’re normal.” Norman: “You’re right, Julian. I'm not normal. But I’m also not like you. I may be crazy like you are, but I’m smart, and I can get myself out of this place because I want to. I know how to make the world see me as someone normal, someone kind, someone nice and you just can’t do that. That’s why you’re never gonna get out of here.” 

Crowded - 
1.  Ethan:  "Wow, going from a professional golfer to a French fry cook.  That's a pretty steep drop off.  On the plus side, I'd be making an income.  On the minus side, those fries would be salted with my tears."
2.  Alice:  "You know Bob, I've been thinking and if it's truly what you want me to do, I'll do it.  I'll shoot you."  Bob:  "You'd do that for me?"  Alice:  "Yep.  I'll file away the serial number off, set up my sister up, the whole plan."  Bob:  "Well I can't abandon a woman whose willing to shoot me.  The only reason I did this in the first place was because I don't want to be a burden to you."  Alice:  "Oh Bob, you're already a burden to me but I love that burden and I want to carry it as long as I can."  Bob:  "I'm gonna make sure of it."  Mike:  "Nice ending to a weird story."
3.  Shea:  "It's hard to be offended when you're dressed like Aladdin's monkey."

Elementary - 
1.  Gregson:  "I know I couldn't keep you in town even if I wanted to, but you're right about Sherlock.  He has some strong opinions about you, about what you are and if he's right, I gotta wonder if he and Joan are safe.  If anything happens to them, the next time you see me, I won't be a cop."
2.  Joan:  "I didn't realize your father used our house for storage."  Sherlock:  "Yes, he has on occasion when he wants to keep something out of sight and mind.  Me, for example."
3.  Sherlock:  "Since I doubt even a man as Machiavellian as you would have lured Kurtz into spying on him only to kill him later, it would appear to support your innocence."  Morland:  "You seem displeased."  Sherlock:  "With myself.  I often say detection should be an exact science.  It should be cold, unclouded by emotion.  Otherwise one tends to twist facts to suit theories instead of theories to suit facts."  Morland:  "That sounds like an apology.  You like to see me as a villain."  Sherlock:  "You did not commit these murders.  Your general nature is not in dispute."

The Flash - 
1.  Wells:  "That's right, detective.  We're all suffering.  We've lost Snow, you've lost your speed, and now…now Zoom could come through that breach anytime he wants and that Allen…that's on you."  Iris:  "Hey, that's on all of us, okay?  We made these decisions as a team."  Wells:  "No, we didn't."
2.  Wells:  "When your mother died, honey, something inside me broke.  I couldn't protect her and I…I swore - I swore on her grave no less - that I would protect you and then Zoom took you and I snapped.  I just snapped.  I couldn't breathe.  I couldn't lose the only other person that I love."
3.  Barry:  "I just don't even know who I am any more or who I am supposed to be."  Iris:  "Barry, you're supposed to be the same guy that you've always been.  Suit or no suit, that guy is a hero."

Fresh Off the Boat - 
1.  Eddie:  "But wait, you hate The Incredible Hulk."  Louis:  "No, I don't."  Eddie:  "Yeah you do.  Remember I was trying to buy that comic book and you said he was the worst superhero ever because all he does is get mad.  You said, 'That's not a super power .  That's a character flaw.' "
2.  Grandma:  "You still haven't decided which name to sign?"  Emory:  "You probably think I should use my Chinese name."  Grandma:  "I like the name Evan, too, but names don't matter."  Evan:  "Let me guess.  You have a long, unhelpful story about how you chose your name."  Grandma:  "No, I don't share the story of my American name, Jenny.  It's personal and involves a crime."  Evan:  "So what do you think I should do?"  Grandma:  "I think you shouldn't worry so much.  Your name doesn't make you.  You make your name."
3.  Eddie:  "What if I told you there was a third option?"  Frank:  "Is the third option going to the store and just buying a toaster?" 

The Good Wife - 
1. Lucca: "Nice party. So... (clears throat) Jason called. He said you weren't returning his calls." Alicia: "I'm throwing a party." Lucca: "He thought it was more than that." Alicia: "I told him I wanted to be with him. All the time." Lucca: "Okay. What did he say?" Alicia: "He gave me a deed to Mars." Lucca: "I don't understand, is that a metaphor?" Alicia: "He gave me a gift of a deed he bought online. A deed to 500 acres on Mars. I don't know what I'm doing anymore or why I thought that I loved him."
2. Alicia: "Okay. I'm gonna repeat to you what I think I heard. You want to go somewhere else and you want me to go with you, but not now, but at some point when you get itchy about staying in one place? Okay, I- I need to think on this."
3. Alicia: "I don't want Zach, or you, to go through what I am." Hannah: "But that's the thing, we won't." Alicia: "Well, you don't know that." Hannah: "No, I mean we won't go through all the... mess. It's just marriage. My parents divorced, but they still see each other, they still love each other. But they see other people, too. Marriage should work for us, not us for marriage. If Zach doesn't like France, he can leave me. Come back home, go to school. If he meets someone else he loves more, then... why should I trap him? Marriage should be fun, it shouldn't be this... weight, this death knell." Alicia: "Well... if it isn't permanent, then why get married at all?" Hannah: "Taxes."

Hunters - 
1.  Jackson:  "A tried and true method of raising funds.  Girl Scouts have cookies.  Terrorists have dope."
2.  Regan:  "Not bad for a guy who did his tours of duty in Kandahar."  Flynn:  "I'd take Afghanistan over this Fern Gully sh** any day."  Regan:  "Yeah, I hate this green stuff too."  Flynn:  "You're a vegetarian.  Isn't this all just salad?"
3.  Regan:  "So they got kids guarding the candy store."  Mato:  "Kids own the candy store."

Limitless - 
1. Ike: "W-Wait, uh, what'd you just say? We're not gonna be bodyguards anymore?"
Brian: "You're in. You're gonna be working cases. Real cases." Mike and Ike (in unison): "Yeeeaaaahhhhh!" Mike: "Uh, all right, but no more, "Mike and Ike." Ike: "Mm-mm." Mike: "You're gonna have to call me by my real name." Ike: "It's a strong name. You should be proud." Mike: "Darryl. It feels good to say it out loud. DARRYL."
2. Brian (voiceover): "Am I supposed to just sit by and watch all this happen? I'm not saying I'm the superhero of the story, per se. But maybe it's time to act like one. SuperBrian? BrianPool? The Brunisher? Wolverian? Huh. The Brunisher. That's actually not bad. I could figure out a name later. Right now, I had to save Piper. But the truth is I'm not a superhero. And Sands and his men, they're probably not wearing capes either. They're real. Killing real people. And in the real world, bad guys win and good guys die." Boyle: "Brian, what are you doing here?" Brian: "This is where they held her!" Boyle: "Is she?" Brian: "She's gone!" (gun shots) Boyle: "Rebecca." Rebecca: "Throw your gun on the ground." Sands: "One of us is on NZT, Rebecca. The other has one bullet left. I'd let you do the math, but-" Rebecca: "I'll take my chances. You murdered my father, you murdered Morra's people. You aren't gonna kill anyone else."
3. Rebecca: "You're more mature emotionally and morally than just about anyone I know. You're a hero, on or off the pill. You." Brian: "I don't really feel like a hero right now." Rebecca: "Everything's gonna be fine. But if ever it isn't, I'll be here." Brian: "Thanks." Rebecca: "Thank you." Brian: "For everything."

Lucifer - 
1. Lucifer: "Detective Decker, step away from your vehicle. Put your hands in the air and walk towards me peacefully. If you do not I repeat if you do not, we will have no choice but to shoot you with our new bazooka. We've actually been waiting months and months to use it, so, on second thought, please, speed away."
2. Amenadiel: "You're afraid." Lucifer: "Mmm. Damn right I am." Amenadiel: "Right, but you're never afraid. Who could possibly scare you, brother? Lucifer... Who escaped Hell?" Lucifer: "Mum."
3. Lucifer: "I don't know if this is all part of the plan. Or if you can even hear me. But... but if you're up there Dad, I need a favour. I'll be the son... you always wanted me to be. I'll do as you ask. Go where you want me to. I... In exchange, all I ask is- is that you protect Chloe."

The Real O'Neals - 
1. Eileen: "Honey, I'm sorry I tried to force you to live out my dream of seeing you marry a girl. Kenny: "Oh, please. That old cliché again?" Eileen: "I really did start out just wanting to spend more time together, but things just got away from me." Kenny: "You know, I do want to get married one day." Eileen: "Mm. But it won't be in a Catholic church." Kenny: "Mm, I don't know about that. The new Pope drives a Fiat. Everybody's born to be different But even if it's not exactly the way you pictured it, at least there won't be a blood cannon." Eileen: "Well, you never know if your sister's invited." Kenny: "Yeah, no, that's very true. But I hope that when I do get married, you'll be just as excited about planning it. By the way, I'm picturing orchids." Eileen: "Oh, absolutely not. Orchids are all wrong." Kenny: "Okay, well, obviously not by themselves. I'd want orchids and lilies." Eileen: "Oh! I'm sorry. I thought we were planning a wedding, not a Hawaiian funeral." Kenny: "Oh, my god! That's a fantastic idea. It could be a luau theme!" Eileen: "Don't you dare." Kenny: "Come on, we could bury a pig." Eileen: "I can see right now I'm gonna have to start taking over the planning." Kenny: "Come on, the caterers could be fire dancers!"
2. Pat: "Well, look, buddy, you don't have to go through with this if you don't want to. Okay? But, uh, your mom feels a little bad, and she's pretty upset." Kenny: "So am I. You know, I was just starting to feel like, you know, maybe we were getting close again. And then I don't know. She's never going to accept that I'm gay." Pat: "No, I think she is. I think she is. I think this whole bizarre wedding play is proof of that." Kenny: "Please, tell me how." Pat: "Well, not too long ago, she was trying to turn you straight, okay? And now I think that she's really accepted the fact that you're never gonna marry a woman. And for her, that is progress. It's incredibly slow, very weird progress, but it's progress nonetheless. And that's pretty huge for her." Kenny: "Stop making me feel like she has feelings." Pat: "Well Just remember that, uh, you've had 16 years to get used to the fact that you're gay, okay? We've only had six weeks."
3. Shannon: "God, it's like the whole budget's going into the wedding scene, but I have to beg for decent stage blood for my blood cannon. Sure, I could go to the dumpster behind the butcher shop, but I don't think anyone wants that." Kenny: "What? N-no. There are more important things than your blood cannon."

About the Author - Lindsey

Midwest native, Los Angeles transplant. Reader, writer, bartender, and film/TV nerd. Salad bar enthusiast. Watch this space!

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