Scream Queens - Chanel Pour Homme-icide - Review: "New Recruits"

Scream Queens finally returned to screens last night with a killer fifth episode. With its usual twists, comedic lines and random kills, it was as camp and lovable as ever.

It seems like forever since the last episode of Ryan Murphy's whodunit. The last time we visited the C.U.R.E Institute, both Denise Hemphill (Niecy Nash) and Chanel #5 (Abigail Breslin) were severely injured by the Green Meanie. All our prayers were answered this week though as both females returned alive, well sort-of. #5 was most certainly up and breathing, bringing her usual comedic presence to the entire episode, but Denise wasn't so lucky. Although still having a very faint pulse, it apparently wasn't enough for resuscitation and so she's now locked in a freeze-machine in the basement of the C.U.R.E Institute. I suspect it's not the last we've seen of our favourite Quantico alum.

What is she up to at the C.U.R.E Institute?

As far as returns go, Nurse Hoffel (Kirstie Alley) was back, exposed as a drug-addict and was subsequently fired by Dr. Cathy Munsch (Jamie Lee Curtis). This was of course short-lived and the feisty staff member had blackmailed herself back onto the payroll within minutes. Hoffel brought up Munsch's embarrassing condition, which she contracted after accidentally being cannibalistic, and the hospital's leader soon became the submissive of the pair. What is Hoffel up to? We know she's connected to the Chanels, as she mentioned waiting to get them, but what's her motive?

Hoffel's agenda wasn't the only returning mystery of the week though. The 1985 pregnant mother, Jane (Trilby Glover), also made her return in the episode. It was revealed that Dr. Cassidy Cascade (Taylor Lautner) is her son, though the way she spoke of her "baby" suggested he's not the this season's baby-in-the-bathtub. It's likely he's adopted or the elder sibling (or younger) of the mystery child. There was a flashback to the moment a teenage Cassidy 'died' a few episodes ago, which seemed like it was from the late 80s or early 90s itself, so I'm confused as to how he's able to be Jane's child. If anything, he's more likely to be from her generation, though logic often goes out of the window with Scream Queens, for better or for worse. Just calling it now, I'm not ruling out Earl Grey (Lucien Laviscount) as the mysterious baby. Just because he supposedly died in the first season doesn't mean he's not secretly alive. Boone (Nick Jonas) faked his death, remember? I mean, it's not likely to be Chamberlain (James Earl): he's far too obvious, surely?

Speaking of the obvious, something I did not see coming was the enlisting of a male Chanel minion, in the form of fan-fiction writer and stalker-y Chanel fan Tristan St. Pierre (Pablo Castelblanco). It was a shame that the young gay man didn't survive the episode as the Chanel clan could have had some funny moments with a male in their ranks. He was a little creepy though, so I guess it may have been for the best.

Time is ticking for Munsch. Will she survive the season?

Something else for the best would be to stop with pointless medical conditions. Under investigation this week was 'Foreign Accent Syndrome', which spread to members of the C.U.R.E staff yet served no purpose. I've criticised many of the previous conditions for being funny for all of five minutes, and this was no different. It became repetitive very quickly, and it didn't serve any purpose in terms of plot. The fake accents adopted by #3, Cassidy and Brock (John Stamos) had no real impact on their storylines nor their work.

One of the best things about the episode was in fact the return of Hester (Lea Michele) in a more present capacity, as she was officially re-titled Chanel #6 after sneaking her way back into the hospital, and into the elite Chanel circle. Under the guise of helping them to survive, Hester was greeted positively back into the group by Chanel Oberlin (Emma Roberts), though her minions weren't so enthused. I would expect Hester has a hidden agenda, or else it's a little boring of a plot: perhaps she'll try to escape in the chaos of any murder spree or she's planning to finish where she left off last season by killing the Chanel's once and for all.

Quote(s) of the Week:

Chanel #5: "A Chanel who's male and gay? I mean that's simply out of the question. He's going to steal all of our make-up, and besides Chanel he seems like a serial killer". 

Chanel Oberlin: "Gays don't murder people: I mean they're peaceful, musical people, right? Name me one gay serial killer".

Chanel #3: " John Wayne Gacy; Jeffrey Dahmer; it's a good bet that one of those Menendez brothers was crawling into bed with the other one too". 

Performer of the Week:

I find it difficult to ever pick between this wonderful cast: Breslin continues to catch my attention with her hilarious delivery; Michele is very convincing as a disturbed sociopath who never fails to make me laugh; Roberts can portray the lovable mean girl like no other; Lourd has this skill of being pretty amusing without using any emotion; Palmer keeps me engaged with her serious portrayal of Zayday; and Curtis is just a pure legend. 

Who do you suspect is the Green Meanie? Let me know in the comments below.